Lakers vs. Heat! Kobe vs. Wade! Los Angeles has been pumped up all week waiting for this game. I have cleared my Sunday schedule, reserved my spot on the couch and am not planning on moving an inch for the next two hours. Let’s get ready to rumb… what? The Celtics game is still on? Come on!! And to top it all off Pierce just hit a three to send the game into overtime (nice shot though). Let’s switch to ESPN and watch the game of the week- an NBA heavyweight title fight.
10:26: Mario Chalmers alley oop to Lebron James for two. What’s the over under on lobs today between both teams 4.5? I’d take the over. Let’s keep count: Lob meter: 1
9:12: Joel Anthony grabs two straight offensive rebounds over Bynum and Gasol. Yes, I said Joel Anthony.
8:30: Kobe Bryant misses a free throw, but already has 5 points. Kobe’s mask has gotten a lot of attention, but I haven’t heard anyone make the obvious Hannibal Lecter Joke. I missed the beginning of the game, but I hope Kobe was carted out in a straight jacket. If I was Mike Brown I would force Kobe to come out like that every game for the rest of the season. If that doesn’t get into your opponents heads nothing will. I can hear the opposing players before every game “I think Kobe may actually kill me tonight”
8:15: Steal and slam by Metta World Peace. If Metta is snatching the ball from players and going coast to coast for a slam then the Lakers might be unstoppable. But of course we all know that can’t last. Those might be MWP’s only points of the game. I wonder how many crazy three’s he’ll attempt in this game. I put the total at 3, so let’s keep track. MWP crazy three point shots: 0
7:29: Kobe swishes a beauty over Wade at the top of the free throw line. I hope Kobe embraces his Hannibal Lecter mask and goes Silence of the Lambs on Wade and either drops 40 on him or drags him to the center of the court and eats his brains with some ‘fava beans and a nice Chianti’. Lakers lead 11-9
7:10: Lebron bricks a long three point attempt then immediately gets back on defense and fouls MWP. That must be two of the dumbest things you can do in a basketball game. Just let Metta shoot- the ball was never getting near the net anyway. I know I’m being a little hard on Metta, it’s just that I’m still angry that he didn’t last longer on Dancing with the Stars.
7:02: Kobe drops the Olajuwon shake on Wade in the low post for a three point play. Mr. Bryant is already in double figures as the Lakers lead 14-9. I guess Kobe is really embracing that mask. I just hope he doesn’t make two horrible sequels with Julianne Moore.
6:00: Seven straight points by the Masked Mamba lead to a Miami time out with the Lakers leading 16-9. Did I just watch a commercial for 21 Jump Street the movie starring Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum (shame on you Hollywood!)? First off, I prefer fat Jonah Hill- he was just funnier. And second, Channing Tatum needs to stick to making sappy romance movies like Dear John (expect for GI Joe, I like him in that)
4:03: Kobe misses his first shot, a three point attempt off of a MWP pass. Kobe, here’s a piece of advice: don’t ever shoot the ball right after Metta World Peace touches it. You’re better off giving the ball to the ref and running back on D and saving your shooting percentage.
End of 1st Quarter: Lakers end the first with a 28-20 lead. Kobe has 18, LeBron has 10 and Wade has 2. Kobe on pace for 72 points tonight, and I would not be surprised one bit if he gets them. You cannot break Godzilla’s nose and not expect to get your city destroyed. You started this D-Wade now its time to man up and protect your city.
10:00: Lakers 33-23. LeBron and Bynum are playing with the rest of the bench players. I believe of the10 players on the floor there are two rings between them all and both are Bynum’s.
7:45: Wade hits a three with Kobe on the bench. I wonder if Wade was privately upset with Kobe’s comments earlier in the week about not having any rivals. But if he is, Wade is not showing it by playing so passively.
6:08: I just noticed that the Lakers jerseys say Los Lakers and the Heat jerseys say El Heat. I also just noticed Courtney Cox sitting in the crowd. I’m glad she was able to move on after her divorce from David Arquette (you were too good for him anyway Courtney.).
The first break of the 2nd Quarter: Blake Griffin in the Kia Optima commercial, I have to hand it to the guy, he is funny. I guess that internship with Funny or Die during the lock out really paid off. But now every time I see Blake I cannot help but think of Kris Humphries. My sisters swear that they look alike, I don’t see it, but now I can’t get it out of my head.
4:53: Mario Chalmers hits a three to get the Heat to within seven, 32-39. Chalmers has turned into a solid role player for the Miami, but it’s still hard to believe that this guy beat out Derrick Rose for an NCAA title a few years ago.
2:29: Loose ball foul on Wade. He has a look of a lost puppy dog. I wonder if all the talk about Wade going over the line with the hard foul has gotten to him. Wade is one of the toughest players in the league but he has not shown up for this game.
End of half: Lakers 50-38, Kobe Bryant has 20 pts on 8-11 shooting. Ok maybe he won’t score 72, but 40 is still good.
Lob Meter: 2, MWP crazy 3 pt attempts meter: 0; two lobs and zero MWP crazy threes in the first half is a good sign for the Lakers. L.A. needs to slow down the game and stop the Heat from getting easy transition points; they also need to keep the ball away from MWP.
10:07: Metta World Peace chucks up a crazy three that never had a chance. MWP crazy three point attempt meter: 1… Lakers 54-42
10:07-7:42: My wife starts to vacuum the living room floor, and my daughter starts grabbing at electrical outlets. Once I clear up both of those situations the Lakers call a time out up seven, 56-49.
4:46: The Heat go on a run led by LeBron and cut into the Lakers lead 56-60. L.A’s bench is starting to get exposed, Steve Blake misses a wide open three and you start to realize that he rarely comes through when you need a big three. The second the ball leaves his hand, your gut tells you it’s a miss.
3:38: Troy Murphy air balls an open three wide right. As I was saying, the Lakers bench needs to be upgra… games goes into a commercial for Jack and Jill the movie. Movie studios are still promoting this? They actually have the nerve to ask me to buy it on DVD? Adam Sandler has become public enemy number one my ‘no watch movie list’. If Adam Sandler is in it, I am not watching it (Ryan Reynolds is second on that list). I have momentarily forgotten how much the Lakers bench angers me because of how much Adam Sandler angers me.
2:51: The camera shows Wade sulking on the bench with a towel wrapped around his head. I have never known Wade to crack mentally but he looks like a broken man. Maybe the crowd is really riding him.
1:35: Kobe over Battier just like old times 66-62 Lakers.
0:26: Lob from Steve Blake to Metta World Peace! I take everything back I said about them. Lob meter: 3, only two more to go.
71-62 end of third: Gasol starts a mini scuffle after LeBron pushes Troy Murphy. Three Heat players surround Gasol and who immediately jumps in the middle…. You guessed it, Metta World Peace. He may take a lot of crazy shots but the guy sticks up for his teammates.
11:08: Juwan Howard tries to call time out will stepping out of bounds. He still hasn’t retired yet!!! All of the ‘Fab Five’ guys are doing commentary now and Juwan is still playing? Jalen Rose started a school for pete’s shake and Howard is still in the NBA!
10:29: Blake lob pass to Bynum for the dunk. Lob meter: 4. One more to go and we hit our over!!!
9:15: Gasol for a three… never mind it never had a chance. 75 -68 Lakers
7:52: World Peace for two! Earlier I said he may only score two points. I was wrong, he has a strong 17!! He also just took a crazy three point shot but I won’t count it since it went in.
5:14: Wade fouls out. I guess the ‘best two guard’ in the game argument has been laid to rest. Wade started a war by breaking Kobe’s nose and did not bother to show up to the fight. Kobe may be on the down side of his career but mentally he still owns the league.
2:09: 77-85… does ABC really need to keep pushing Ashley Judd’s new show ‘Missing’ on us? It’s just like every other Ashley Judd movie ever made, someone takes her son and she goes on a frantic search to find him. Hasn’t she made this TV show 5 times already?
End of the 4th: Lakers win 93-83: Kobe goes for 33 pts, 3 rbs, 1 ast. D Wade puts up a quiet 16, 4, and 5. On a side note, did you see that ridiculous Rondo stat line of 18 pts, 17 rebs and 20 ast? That may be one of the greatest ‘how dare you talk about trading me’ games in the history of the league. The sad part is Danny Ainge is probably still going to trade him.
The Lakers win was a huge statement game by Kobe. I have to admit, I didn’t know if Kobe still had a game like that in him. We all knew that Kobe would not respond to Wade's foul through the media, or even with a foul during the game. The Masked Mamba responds by dropping 30 to 40 points and dominating the game. I didn’t know if Kobe’s body would allow him to make such a statement in his 16th season in the league. I definitely underestimated him just like the rest of the league has, but with todays win over Heat the Lakers are now the third seed in the West. If this mask is helping Kobe to channel his inner Hannibal Lecter then thanks D-Wade for waking up a murderer.
Lob Meter: 4 MWP Crazy three point attempt meter: 1